(today's writing is from an email to a friend)
This
place is amazing. It welcomes me in deep, perhaps unexpected ways.
It's a sense of belonging that I also feel in San Francisco but
of course much deeper here, a longer connection though at the same
time so recent. I spent last weekend with my family--sister and
brothers--and it was quite lovely. I miss them today, the
constant company and laughter is really quite amazing. It's so
interesting to feel like such a person of solitude and independence
and at the same time like I feel much energy from being around other
people. It is a strange realization, to know my own solitude
and ability to be alone and to feel longing of company. I feel
so lucky to be in this flat. It is spacious and my room is
sunny and we are around a courtyard (of sorts) so it feels totally
peaceful to come home and do work when I need to, or when I feel I've
had enough of these moving, breathing, muddy streets.
The
ideas are pouring out of my head and heart and I am excited for
what's to come. People say that life is art here but I also
believe that there is another place for art. That art allows us
to remove from the everyday (even when life and art are so
connected). Art is always something more, something just
outside, on the edge. I have gone dancing a few times and feel
(surprisingly so) that this is where I must spend much of my time.
Dancing all night at a bachelor party (one of 3 women there)
was the most incredible experience. I would normally (in the
US) feel so unsafe at a party with all men drinking, etc. It
was truly magical. To feel completely free in my body and
protected, taken care of, sexy, moving, awkward and at the same time
absolutely perfect. Such a gift. I went with my housemate
who is a fulbrighter. She's a white jewish girl--not
important except for the fact that i felt/realized it was not
important...my u.s. race, racial, racist experiences and defenses
come down in lovely ways. How do we fully escape the experience
of racism in order to be more fully human ourselves while also
acknowledging what is real in the world? My housemate requested
a dancehall song from the dj in the midst of some fast moving music;
there was a pause from the crowd packed into the garage, a brief
silent moment at the party when the music unexpectedly changes, and
then an almost audible sound of joy as we immediately shifted our
moves to match the rhythm. There is a generosity here that is
unparalleled.
Being
mixed, of two cultures, races (so-called) I find myself moving
between, around perspectives so much. I met an artist last
night from Abidjan. She is doing an installation at the CCA and
staying here for a few days. We spoke in English and French.
My very broken French from high school emerged. It's
incredible what the body remembers. It was kind of a spiritual
experience for me talking with her. She is also mixed (from
Cote d'Ivoire and France) and we've had some similar, perhaps
parallel realizations about life, energy, destiny, one's path in
life. She was talking about how in high school she realized
life is made up of three points: the positive, the negative and the
point where you perceive that you are. And that perception can
always change depending on the mind. Ha! I had this feeling
when we were speaking like, are we really here in the room together,
or are we floating in space with this imagined architecture of table,
chairs, floor, air coming off the fan, generator hum. She said,
Africa is the future of the world, everything is here. She
spoke about being black in France and white in Africa. I know
this word in French, 'Ironie'.
I
am making a list of performances I want to do in Lagos. This
includes:
Walking
down the street on stilts
Running
down the road blindfolded (from a Guillermo Gomez-Pena exercise)
Flying
at the ocean
